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I'm Only A Wolf Three Nights A Week
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2003|07:49 pm] |
| [ | I want to bite because I'm.... |
| | caged | ] |
| [ | howling along to.... |
| | my desire for the night and freedom | ] |
I'm hazy about what happened today, always am when I'm due to change. I know Will is puzzling over the spell and that so much is buzy in that beautiful head of hers, her clever, funny mind is working on overtime. I held her hand a lot and listened, i dont have anything intelligent to say about her witchy stuff, so i dont say.
She's out there now, in the library, whilst I'm locked in here. These bars...these bars are so cold. *sniff* i can smell the air, the delicious night air out there, where I should be, where I want to be....
"Grrrr....." I shake the cage, making Willow start..."Hush now sweetie" she says, not looking, "You're safe in there."
I dont want to be SAFE in here, locked up, a caged animal, but I know its for the best. "Willow..." I husked...."go and get me a drink." She turned and looked at me, she never seemed to know quite what to make of me at this time of the month, I know i'm not my usual laid back self, and my tone sounded harsh. "ok Oz....I'll be back in a while" she smiled at me and left me to my pacing.
When she leaves I feel more lonely than ever. Separated from the girl I love and from the night I want to love...
Arggggggggg my back, my skin... its on fire...it burns.....ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG my god why does this hurt so................
*pant* JESUS CHRIST it hurts.....but it hurts more to try and stop it....and the more i change the better it gets...."urgggggggggg" i fall to the floor arching my back. I can feel my spine shifting and popping, the skin itches so..i want to rip it off.....my stomach convulses and I dry heave as i roll to my side clutching my stomach......
"arrrrrrrrrghhhhhhh" *pant* I feel like a newborn being born, i feel like I am being ripped open, ripped out of the womb....my nails grow hard and long out from the tips of my fingers and I feel my legs lenghten and curve in a way that isnt human.
I shudder on the ground whilst the final changes take place.....my skin...no...my fur is tingly all over....i feel so good.....so.....so alive and .....hungry.....
*sniff* The wolf sat on his haunches as he sniffed the night air....the freedom that he is denied. The human inside him tells him its for the best, but its not for the wolf.....he turns his soulful eyes to the windows of the library where the dark beckones.
In the corridor of the school, Willow leans against the wall and a tear trickles down her face as she hears the wolf cry his howl to the night. |
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| twitchy.... |
[Nov. 2nd, 2003|10:13 am] |
| [ | I want to bite because I'm.... |
| | twitchy... | ] |
| [ | howling along to.... |
| | my inner wolf's breathing | ] |
...so....Buffy's back....and Will's not happy. Oh she tells me she is and she acts like she is, but I can smell it, the unhappiness, the unsettlement...the disappointment. They are lucky to have each other as best freinds, I have many freinds, but no one like Buffy/Willow.
The wolf is speaking to me...no surprise there...I can usually feel him this close to full moon. He's apart of me as I am him. He begs me to let him free, to let him run, but I cant, darent experiance that....experiance. Some people are just ment to live in cages, mostly mental ones that they build up as barriers for themselves....so..... *shrug* mine is a real cage.....praps I'm lucky??? Dunno...
Feel very itchy.....
my skin.....feels like is wants to be somewhere else...
another few days to go yet though....
Devin wants to practise at The Bronze tonight....wonder if Will's up for it, a bit of groupie-ness??
Ahhh.....had good Willow kissage today, she is indeed quite the human.
*looks around* Oh......lesson must have ended, what lesson was it anyway?? *shrugs, closes book and walks to the canteen*
"Yo...Ozman" a fellow classmate....er....Jon... i think.... waved and smiled, as I turned into the clatter filled room... "realised the class is over at last!!??" I grinned lopsidely and replied "Apparently so" I sat down and waited for a glimpse of my witch. |
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| final year at school....again..and other stuff |
[Oct. 24th, 2003|03:24 pm] |
| [ | I want to bite because I'm.... |
| | indescribable | ] |
| [ | howling along to.... |
| | dylan's new tune for Dingoes | ] |
I waited for Will to come to her locker before class, I'm early, I'm twitchy. It's a week before full moon and I cant sleep so I've been up way before dawn. Gonna be strange in school again without Dylan and the crew... *rolls eyes upwards* who knew that a whole term "of not giving homeworks in due to becoming wolflike 3 nights a week" would be so....mis-understood?? Not that I could tell anyone...anyone other than Will and her friends. Er....our friends. Not sure about that....well...ok they accept me coz I'm with Will, but not sure they really know what to make of me. I DONT know what to make of me.
"Oz!" Will appeared in front of me..gesh I was miles away...."What are you doing here!!!" She flung herself into my arms and I gave her an appreciative hug.
"Errr....failed exams, repeating year....much us time ensues" I kissed her forehead as she smiled at me.
We walked into the library where we have our usual pre-first-lesson meeting with Giles. Willow's chattering about stuff, about the new fish she got and what it eats etc...I'm nodding...but really I'm thinking of how cute she looked last night when she helped me stake that vamp...There she was seconds after plunging the stake into the vamps heart and she had a smudge of dust on the end of her nose, I was so proud of her. I gave her hand a squeeze at the thought and she paused in mid sentence and smiled, squeezing me back....she continued to chatter as we arrived and walked in.
I nodded at Giles and Xander, and answered their puzzled expressions with ... "wolf ate my homework too may times hense year repeatage". Giles just kinda frowned and took of his glasses to wipe them, Xander slapped me on the back saying, "Spose you just forgot to tell us that all summer, Oz old bud" I raised my eyebrows, grinned...."kinda"
Cordelia arrived not long after and the usual banter between her and Xander ensued. I sat there listening to Giles and Will compare notes about how the slaying went last night...thinking of that new Dingoes tune that Dylan wrote, and humming gitar riffs to it in my head....
The door opened.....Buffy. Mmm....looked *ok*....but nervous. Just where HAS she been all summer....and what happened with Angel?? Will was so ill after all that, and what with Buffy just taking off like that, its been a tough few months. I dont like people upsetting my girl, making her ill, causing her to be in danger...and nothing for me to do to help. Willow got up, reaching for my hand as she went, I took it and squeezed it tight.
I listened to what ensued, clenching and unclenching my teeth. |
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| I'm here... |
[Oct. 22nd, 2003|03:28 pm] |
| [ | I want to bite because I'm.... |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | howling along to.... |
| | Dingoes tune humming in my head | ] |
mmmmm....animal crackers....
I just love the monkey ones!! |
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